bed ridden with depression again

I stopped smoking again this week after the relapse and went back to sleeping 12 hours plus a day.

I couldn’t take all the rejection from more job agency and flat viewing failures.

Last night I dreamt I’d uploaded a track to soundcloud and it had a million listeners but I was accidentally logged in to someone else’s account and he got all the royalties but I got booked for some headlining tour.

I hate myself, my anger, my narcissism, my selfishness, my constant underachievement.

I often think of garbage island. How there’s a continent of rubbish in the Pacific, the size of North America. How all humans do is kid themselves about recycling, and just move all our refuse to be dumped by boats that then goes into a whirlpool and makes a giant rubbish block.